A friend of mine recently said to me that the main reason why I have such a huge crush on the perticular woman I have a crush on is because I can't have her. If she changed her mind and suddenly became attracted to me, the friend said, I'd end up losing my attraction to her. Now that's what I call an assumption I'd love to test!
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Michigan
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Re: You often want what you can't have
Sun, December 24, 2006 - 5:21 PMdidn't work for me. but maybe that is true about guys.
men do appreciate women who are harder to get i will say that. -
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Re: You often want what you can't have
Sun, December 24, 2006 - 6:18 PMI'm not a man who appreciates a woman who is harder to get. I'm past the stage where I'll chase a woman. I don't have the time or energy anymore. She's either interested or she's not ... and I'm okay if she's interested or not. -
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Re: You often want what you can't have
Sun, December 24, 2006 - 6:46 PMi play hard to get, not for mean reasons. but because i'm insecure, its nice to be chased. -
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Re: You often want what you can't have
Sun, December 24, 2006 - 7:08 PMWithout trying to be mean or rude ... it seems to me like insecurity would make a person want to be chased less because if they make a person chase them, they may lose interest. I guess it all depends on where you're insecure. I've been wrong before. -
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Re: You often want what you can't have
Sun, December 24, 2006 - 8:34 PMi don't want to be rejected. being chased shows i'm really wanted. -
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Re: You often want what you can't have
Sun, December 24, 2006 - 9:00 PMWhat happens when you meet people who aren't willing to chase? Do you feel rejected? -
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Unsu...
Re: You often want what you can't have
Mon, December 25, 2006 - 5:05 AMI'm with my Flirty friend in this. I don't like that game. All that posturing and posing and acting and playing. Bah! Whether or not a person is desireable doesn't depend on this game playing technique for me. I think it's boring and a terrible waste of time. Chances are that there will be enough later on that will be problematic in which communication skills and being honest will be critical. Not game playing. Not chase and capture.
I need that very direct approach, as in "I like you" and getting on with the knowing each other part. Things that are like "If you really liked this guy, you wouldn't talk to him at all" makes no sense!!! People! It doesn't make sense. If I am interested in a person for whatever reason, I'm probably going to show that. I will probably engage them in conversation. I will probably ask them questions. I will be totally obvious. Or at least *I* think I'm being obvious and upfront.
If they are interested, they will reply or talk or answer or something. If they think it's a game to pretend not to be interested when they are, they'll need to find someone else to play with. Because I'm not going to get it, and I'm not going to play that game. The early stages of courtship and friendship tend to set the behavioural patterns for the ongoing relationship, if one occurs. And I am not going to be mixed up in any relationship where game-playing is a priority or preferred method of understanding.
I realize that a lot of people do that and I guess that they enjoy it. I don't. If they're into the chase game, it's an auto-reject. LOL!
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Re: You often want what you can't have
Mon, December 25, 2006 - 8:10 AMI feel like they see past the cold exterior i put up.
I don't feel rejected at all.
Maybe because i'm a chaser too? -
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Re: You often want what you can't have
Mon, December 25, 2006 - 11:40 AMI'm confused ... you feel that they see past the cold exterior you put up when they don't chase? You don't feel rejected at all when they don't chase? Or did you mean you feel they don't see past the cold exterior so you don't feel rejected? Help me, please?
For me, though, I'm not a chaser as a woman (or group of women) aren't pieces of meat or game I'm hunting in the field. I don't feel a need to make a "conquest" in that arena. If she wants to talk, we can talk. If she wants to have a conversation, we can do that, too. If she wants to ... whatever .... we can do that as long as she's not playing the "I want you but you're going to have to work to get me" game. If I get an iota of an idea that she's playing that game, I'll stop initiating all interaction between us. When she notices it and says something about it, I'll tell her that she doesn't seem real interested in me.
Now the choice is hers ... open up and tell me that she's interested ... or admit that she's not interested and we part company. If she doesn't call (or otherwise contact) me, for me that's admitting that she's not interested. -
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This is the maximum depth. Additional responses will not be threaded.
Re: You often want what you can't have
Mon, December 25, 2006 - 12:10 PMokay let me clear it up.
I have cold exterior. i do this on purpose to keep people at bay. Every so often people see past it and sometimes boys just find this more interesting and they chase me (sorta like taming the shrew). I don't consider myself easy to get along with, so when they chase me and withstand my walls, it makes me feel they might be in this for more than one date. ( i guess this comes from getting to know people who seem interested at first then don't care very soon after)
although i will say that if a guy decides to stop the game and tells me he is interested and he wants to get to know me, i will stop the game and be upfront.
if it still doesn't make sense, sorry lol i'm sorta confusing.
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Unsu...
Re: You often want what you can't have
Thu, January 4, 2007 - 6:06 PMYA KNOW , THERE COMES A TIME IN YOUR LIFE WHERE YOU HAVE TO SAY ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. YOU EITHER LIKE/LOVE THE PERSON THAT YOU HAD A DATE WITH OR YOU CUT TIES. GAMES ARE FOR HIGHSCHOOL, AND CRUSHES ARE FOR PEOPLE WHO DONT KNOW EXACTLY WHAT THEY WANT. I WANT SOMEONE TO LOVE ME AND APPRECIATE ME AND CALL ME BABY AND HAVE A LOT OF FUN TOGETHER REGARDLESS OF WHAT WERE DOING. LIFE IS TOO SHORT AND MUCH TOO HARD TO FIGURE OUT IF YOURE WITH YOUR SOULMATE. IF YOU ARE YOULL KNOW AND YOULL KNOW QUICKLY. BECAUSE ME BEING A WOMAN, PROBABLY THE SAME TRUE FOR A MAN. YA KNOW AN ASSHOLE IF YOU MEET ONE AND IF YOU CANT TELL, COUNSELLING IS A GOOD PLACE TO START!!!
PEACE AND LOVE
LAURRIE -
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Re: You often want what you can't have
Thu, January 4, 2007 - 7:34 PMyou are so judgemental.
and since we are on the subject of judging.
the fact you use all caps signifies you need for ATTENTION and you seem like you are yelling.
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Unsu...
Re: You often want what you can't have
Mon, December 25, 2006 - 4:53 AMYul, I figure it this way (do remember that I'm very weird, though). The crush is the fantasy. I don't even know if I COULD have the guys I have crushes on. It's not going that far. It's not even considered part of reality. I realize that the crush I have is based on the bit that I know, and the rest is ALL MY OWN MIND'S CREATION.
Would I want this guy I have a crush on? I'm in love with the fantasy. I have no clue what he'd be like in reality. So would I be dumping him because I could suddenly have him? No. It would probably be because we might not mesh like I'd dreamed of. And we usually won't live up to some kind of dream or fantasy.
The crush might turn to love as you replace the fantasy with reality and recognize each as being separate. The fantasy crush was all about you. Now you have to take into account someone else. And maybe what their fantasy is too. You might not like that person or their fantasy. You're not losing your attraction because you can have them, it might be simply that they are an idiot. ;-)
